godzilla vandulIt was lovely, rolling up endless amounts of dank. All the best strains and concentrates were at my fingertips. At this point I have been smoking for a couple years and the market finally developed allowing me access to multiple strains of high grade. Being an avid smoker, all my friends were smokers; smoking was my pass time, my social activity and a major part of my life. It was just natural that I turn my experience and social network into a part-time profession.

It felt great having jars full of high-grade lying around. I was able to supply all my friends, smoke freely with them and not over-charge them. Never again would anyone have to go without or go on a wild goose chase trying to find a little herbal. I took great pride in offering the best flavors at the best rates. Weed slowly became pretty much my entire life. I was constantly meeting people, making deals and smoking excessively.

After a while my days ended up consisting of me smoking with a few friends and waiting for the phone to ring. Being high was just my natural state of being. It was kind of like slipping into a long-term dream. My other goals and aspirations took a back seat to making sales and no time was delegated to anything else. While in this foggy haze, I became negligent to things I once held important. In social settings I became complacent in being in a dream-like state while putting little effort into being verbally expressive. Everyone around me was stoned so I guess it was easy for me to let this go unchecked.

I started to become aware of my inactivity in social situations and, at the same time, noticed my peers joyfully expressing themselves. My will and motivation to socialize just wasn’t there; I felt I was falling behind my peers and I felt inadequate in my ability to contribute to the social environment. My confidence was dwindling and I began to get frustrated at the complacent attitude I had towards life.

jars of jeff

As I thought about my projects and goals that I’ve left undeveloped, my priorities began to change. For some inexplicable reason, around this time I started getting really stoned. The same weeds were suddenly taking me out the game. When I smoked, I would go into instant space-out/trance mode. Maybe it was the constant smoking or maybe the frustration I felt was just amplified by the weed. The experience of being high was no longer enjoyable and pretty worrying. I was no longer happy with this lifestyle at all.

I started to find all the phone calls disruptive and felt that they were now a distraction from my new-found priorities. My new focus was improving my confidence and ability in social situations and getting back into web design. My smoking habit wasn’t helping me progress in this direction at all. It was time for me to come down from my dream and reenter the social atmosphere. I was so unhappy with the person I had became that I pursued my new focus with a burning passion to become the epitome of what I could be.

I succeeded in stepping away from my smoking habit and began my journey back to good mental health and security; I am finally content with the that path I’m on. My path is clear, my motivation is improving my focus, awareness and mindfulness to create a more fulfilling life. For me personally, using marijuana regularly will not help me excel in these new goals.

After a while it was no longer necessary to use it to ease my mind or relieve stress; I’m becoming capable of doing that through the practice of meditation, mindful thinking and breathing exercises. Marijuana is an amazing herb which can be very helpful when used properly. One needs to remember to respect themselves as well as the drug. It’s a powerful tool that can bring tranquility and awareness into one’s life. It can bring insight and spiritual healing. It’s much more than just a recreational drug.

-Vandul